Laid Up

A little under the weather the last couple of weeks, well I finally got in to see my nurse practitioner.  I have Kaiser and I just never hooked up with a doctor, but she consults when it's really bad or I need a referral.  So I went to see Joan Clark regarding my left foot.  It all started with my left knee really stiff and my foot itched and I scratched it.  Well by the next day after wearing sandals to work I noticed my foot was red and inflamed.  That was at least a week and 1/2 ago.  Then it increased in size and the soreness  increased.  My foot is so swollen that I couldn't even wear shoes.  Come to find out I have Cellutitus, a skin infection. 

Visit with Joan Clark

It was a bit of a strange appointment with her today.  I didn't feel that she was really all that concerned with my health.  Yes, she went through the motions, looked at my foot, but she never asked how I've been feeling overall.  I was due for a Pneumonia shot so I went ahead and arranged to get one.  No cost but I had to go see the assistant so she could add it to my record, then go out and see the front nurse just like when I came in originally, then had to wait to get the shot.  She doesn't do that work.  Just felt it was a very impersonal visit.  I felt rushed like she had other places to go.  Guess my 5 minutes was up.  Move along.  Kaiser is about ordering you a pill not a lab test.  Guess I felt it was more serious than she did, though she did tell me that if it didn't get better to go to Urgent Care or call next week.

I rarely am off because of my health, but I must admit walking is getting more and more challenging.  My knees hurt and don't bend like they used to, and with a sore foot, yikes the last two weeks I've dreaded going to work.  Initially I couldn't even get out of my chair at work, but it has gotten better and today I going to follow directions, take my meds, elevate my foot and get back to just feeling better.  We'll see.

 Tomorrow I have a eye appointment, they want to check my vision for my diabetes.  I'm also getting eye exam so I can order my glasses.  I know my vision has changed and I need a new prescription.  Just don't want my eyes to have deteriorated because of my illness.  It's been a couple of years and I hope it doesn't cost to much.

On another subject

John has reconnected with his family from New York.  They want to meet up with us in Las Vegas and John wants to stay at the Lexor in March.  He really likes it there, I don't like the distance from the elevators to the rooms.  The way the place is built as a pyramid shape all the rooms are on the outside of the pyramid and if your elevator is low your room is a long walk.  It's good to meet up with Johns family but I've noticed I've started withdrawing because it's physically challenging to get around, get to where I'd like to go.  In my heart I'd like to see more, but my body hurts, I walk slow and it's just not that fun for me.  John would just as soon go off on his own, we're not really a couple when it come to travel as I recall from out last visit to Las Vegas. 

When it come to this type of trip, John leaves me alone alot more than what I'm used to when I've been with other people.  For him he doesn't think anything of going off and walking around by himself.  He enjoys it and I just feel that I hold him back so when he tells me to go gamble or stay at the room I feel a little hurt.  I guess I would like him to stay with me most of the time, be it the room or down on the casino floor.  It's not that I want to gamble, I guess I would like a little more romance  I can't fully express what I'd like from our relationship, I just know I don't feel that included.  Maybe someday I'll figure out what I want and I won't have to try and explain myself to John so he understands me.  Sad isn't it.

Next time I'd like to cover more on my life at school, my friends and boys.  

Understanding father

To me growing up was for the most part a wonderful experience.  Looking back I was given so much more than my older brothers and sisters.  THEY had a tough life with dad.  By the time Gary, me and Princess arrived life was easier, he realized some of his mistakes and I truly believe he was trying to make amends.  But still there was a time that I wish my father had been a more affectionate person, demonstrating his love by hugging us kids, holding our hands and not being so critical of our dreams.  He was a dream killer and good or bad I think some of the things I did were because I just didn't have the emotional support I needed.  I emphasize I in that last statement, as it wasn't the same for my older brother Gary, but I think it was for our younger sister Princess.


Life with father

When I was a kid I know I went to job sites when he was in construction.  It was great being able to play in a pool he was building, or on the piles of wood that would be there.  Gary and I played games and we had fun.  I don't have a lot of these memories, but I remember seeing pictures and I was there.  When I was in school dad would be home around the same time we got there so we didn't have a lot of babysitters.  Living at the Permane St house in Oakland right across from a Chicken plant.  Don't remember if it was a hatchery or what, but it was across from where we lived.  During this time my brother Pete and Alex lived with us and Pete was driving so I must have been around 7 or 8 and he was 18 or 19.  One incident happened that I remember was my brother had just brought home his shinning red car, newly painted and I went and touched it and left my fingerprints.  I thought my brother was going to kill me.  Traumatic experience for a little girl.  My brothers always made me cry, but Alex was the worst.

Alex I loved so much.  He would comb my hair, give me style, talk to me and I would do anything for him.  He was also cruel and enjoyed making fun of me, making me do things that he knew wouldn't work and just a real pain the ass.  Still I would try to please him.  It was during the time of Elvis Presley as he would slick back his hair and was a good looking young guy.  Alex and Pete were 2 years different in age so he must have been 15 or 16, before he went into the Army at age 17.

My memories of that house were some fun times.  My dad had this ability to go down to the Goodwill or Salvation Army stores and bring us home stuff to play with.  We didn't know it was used, it didn't matter we had a new set of skates or the big thing 3 wheel bikes.  We had a route that took us from the kitchen into a bedroom though a bathroom into another bedroom into the living room then back into the kitchen.  We would race our bikes and skate round and round through the house.  Crazy when I think about it now.  It had hardwood floors, a cool porch in the front and back and all my dad's construction stuff.  It also had an upstairs attic that Gary and I would play.  Loved that house.  Loved that time.

Baby Sister Cracks Her Head

Another thing that happened in that house was where my sister cracked open her head.  She was a little girl then 3, 4 and 5 years old.  Well my mom had these coffee tables with really sharp edges and my sister was playing and rang smack into the table corner.  I didn't see it happen but I sure did hear all the hustle and bustle to get her to the hospital.  At that time my feeling for my sister were "Great maybe she'll die and I'll be the baby again."  She was not my favorite sibling and I'm sorry now for being so cruel.

Dad during my teen years was different again.  Maybe he was the same, I was changing and seeing things at a different prospective.  I didn't personally get many beatings, but lots of threats.  But my older brothers and in later years I heard from my sisters that my father was violent and did physical beatings to get his point across.  I remember hearing my brothers cry out from getting the belt or 2X4.  It only happened to me once that I really remember and it was after my parents figured out who was stealing money and they beat me.  But it must have had an impact on me as I remember that I didn't want to make my dad mad and being so afraid of him.  I never could ever talk to my dad and I am sorry for that.  We never talked about he did in the Navy, or give information about where he came from or where his family came from.  Things I'm sorry I don't know.

Parents give advise and directions, my dad from my prospective gave no advise just criticism.  I remember telling him I thought being a Police Office might be something I would want to do when I  grew up.  I remember him telling me "you'd be a lousy policeman cause they would give you a hard luck story and you would let they go".  I mentioned being a Nurse and again he would tell me that "with all that blood I would faint and not make it".  He never gave me direction as what would be good for me.  Needless to say, I never found my calling.  I don't think he really knew me that well, I feel missed out and sorry I was so weak to hide behind my fear instead of challenging him.  The day I graduated high school I thought it would all change.  It didn't.  I wanted to live on my own and his response was "girls don't move out and if I did he would disown me".  What a terrible thing say?  What was he afraid of?  I never moved out till I found someone to marry cause that was the only way I would be able to move away from my dad.  Sorry Bob, he was my first failed marriage.

Next time I'll talk about school, social time and how I got away with so much.  Till then

New Year Underway

New Year 2011

Well it doesn't feel that much different than 2010 so far, but I will be optimistic and hope for the best.  I'm back to work after the break.  I enjoyed the time off but it would have been nice to go away for a while.  Ending the year with the Boise trip was cool, but as far as John and I getting away it just didn't happen.  Maybe we will in 2011.

Recalling my early years

I've been thinking about my childhood and recapturing some of my memories.  I mentioned that I would begin to cover my youthful years age 5-10.  I have great memories of time with my family.  At the time my dad was a contractor and sometimes people couldn't pay for the work that was done, so he would bring home stuff.  Well we were living at the Plymouth Street house in Oakland when my dad brought home our first boat.  It was the boat, on a trailer, with a 35 horse Evenrude engine.  To us kids it was WOW we have a boat.  At that time they were made out of wood and they had to be painted.  I remember later on my dad and brothers would fiberglass the bottom, but I don't remember that for our first boat.  I was only about 5 or 6 then and we owned a boat.

So my dad was a great dad and then began our many years of boating, water skiing, camping and the great outdoors.  Everyday one or two summers we went to the estuary, a body of water near the old Oakland Airport that connected to Downtown Oakland and then to the Bay.  It was great!  I must have been 6 and my dad would load us up, my brother Gary and my baby sister Princess and away we would go.  I didn't know we were poor but now that I look back we had no baby sitters, just older siblings, to dock our boat from the side of road into the water, not at the loading dock, we brought all our own food and never purchased anything but gas for the tank.

Swimming and Skiing

Now these early days of boating my parents had to learn about boating and skiing.  This big ole boat brought our family together big time.  Before that time we would go to the Santa Cruz mountains to a cabin in Ben Loman and my brothers learned to swim there.  I was to little so I hadn't learned yet.  But my dad was learning about skiing and found some skis at the Good Will or Salvation Army cause that's where everything we got came from.  I remember so clearly him telling me that I couldn't learn to water ski until I could swim.  I learned in the dirty old estuary and loved every minute of it.  During that first summer when we went everyday we met some nice people the Ray Alvarez family and they helped us.  They helped us learn some trick skiing and Ray had a son little Ray and other kids that I played with but can't remember their names. My brother Gary got really good on one ski and started to learn trick skiing, you know front to back, back to front, jumping wake to wake.  My claim to fame was that I was the youngest kid on skis.  People were amazed that this little girl was out there skiing.  Back in the 1950's boating was not as big as it is today.  Not that many people were into it.

Naming the Boat

At this time my little sister Princess was only a toddler, maybe 2 or 3.  She went with us everywhere.  We would ride in the boat and pull a skier, mostly my brother or me and she would ride in the boat up under the bow.  That boat would pound and she would just sleep.  She could sleep anywhere I think.  She was so cute and the people we would ski with and played with would watch her for my dad.  Where was my mom? Oh she was working in Downtown Oakland and would walk from Hales Department store to Jack London square and we would pick her up in the boat, nearly everyday.  So when it came time to name the boat that first boat was Princess.  I was so jealous and I never have figured out why because they named the next boat Princess II.  I don't remember how many boats we've had, but my dad always had a boat for us.  The first was a Big Blue wood boat, then later on we got the NV, it had NV on the side and it was more sleek.  In my later years my brother Gary and Dad went together and we got a Red with white trim, inboard/outboard motor, Sanger brand ski boat.  My brother had that boat into the 1980's at least.  I'll have to ask him if it was named Princess III or IV.

During these years we were a skiing family.  My dad skied, my older brothers. Pete and Alex learned, even my older sisters Barbara and Anita learned and we had many many family vacations at Lake Shasta, weekend trips to Lake Berryessa in Napa county and continued to ski the estuary. 

One Trip to Shasta

Just to recall a couple a memories from vacations and trips we took.  I guess I must have been about 13 or 14 when all summer long I would teach swimming lessons at Fremont pool.  In the morning I would be on the swim team, teach the public lessons then when the pool opened to the public I had a 1/2 dz private students.  I was enterprising even back then.  I had my first aid training and I was as fit as can be.  Anyway, this one summer I was in the chlorine water so much that I got an ear infection.  My ear hurt so bad that my parent had to take me to a doctor.  Well we were on vacation at Lake Shasta and remember going and they gave me a penicillin shot, pills to take, stuffing my ear with cotton and ear drops.  The worst part was that I could not get my head wet, NO swimming, NO skiing, nothing to do with water.  Yikes that was the worst vacation I had ever had. 

Making money brings another memory to mind.  I did the summer private lessons for several years and earned a pretty good piece of change.  I had everything I needed and I have never been much of a shopper so one summer my folks had purchased a camper to go on the back of our International truck.  We thought we were so cool.  Prior to that we did tent camping at Lake Berryessa, cooking on the Coleman and all that hard core camping stuff.  Well we had a Camper now and my dad wanted to be sure he could get it off his truck, so I remember him coming to me with all my big bucks asking me to help pay for jacks to get it off the truck.  Remember this is the 1960's and the cost was I believe over $200 and that was a lot of money.  I didn't have any use for my money, I just new I wanted to make money so gladly I gave it to him.  I feel good about it today that I contributed to our family.

By the 1960's

We were old hands at water skiing and summer sports, but one day I remember so well my father bringing home some old, and I mean old snow skis, boots and poles.  He announced that we were going to go snow skiing.  But we needed to learn how to get up cause we were going to fall down.  Here was me an early teen, my brother about 16-17 and my little sister about 7 all strapping on these skis in my parents living room at the Fremont Way house.  My mom never did ski, but my dad and all us younger kids did.  Once in a while my older sisters and brothers would come, but they were starting their own lives and it was mostly us younger kids.  We learned to snow ski, didn't do much with tobogoning, but skied at least 2 weekends or more per month.  It was great and Princess got really good, I got pretty good and Gary did okay.  He had the technique, but I think for Princess and I we really wanted to be good at it because Gary was so good at water skiing.  Our time to out do him.

We had some great times.  When I look back on it my dad was the driving force to all the things I learned and did growing up.  We we're in trouble, he gave us what I guess he felt he missed out on when he was young.  I am so thankful for my first 20 years as part of this family unit.  He let us have our friend over, created a rock band rehearsal site and none of us played.  He was into electronics, recording equipment, the first to have a Video camera, VCR, 8-track player and just a cutting edge kind of guy.  I've always said if he had just invested in the stock for these companies we would be rich, cause he always new what was the best next big thing.  Great memories of my dad, my father and the person I feared the most.  More on that next time.

Have a great day!

New Year New Start

Okay, we made it to 2011 with a few bumps and grinds along the way.  John and I had a discussion about my last post and I guess I am being a little unfair to him and his feelings.  I'll back it up some and just to make it clear the reason why John is not seeing my family is because my brother Gary was rude to him by telling him that the "reason he does nice things for people is so they will like him."  Not true, John really does do things for people but not because he is trying to make them like him, it's because he just sees something he thinks they might like or give help to make their life easier and it's just because it's him.  He has a big heart and it's just misinterpreted.  He is not the bad guy here and I need to back off. 

So now it's the first day of 2011 and what do I want for this year.  First and foremost is to get back on my 6 week meal plan.  It works for me, I just need to put the right foods in the house and eat only them.  Stay away from the processed foods, fast food and sweets.  John is my biggest distraction to my success, but I know it works and I just need to get back to listening to my tapes, fixing my own foods and do the meal planning needed for success.  I'd like John to prepare his own meals or plan to eat what I am eating.  I hate cooking and making two meals I just don't think is what I want to do.  I don't want to justify my reason for this, I just want to be successful and I will be if I only have to worry about me.

The next thing I want from this year is to attend my son, Bryan, graduation from Warrant Office school.  I am so proud of him and his many accomplishments that this is something he really wants and needs to do to step up in his career.  Next will be Hannah's graduation for Nursing when we come to that, but I don't think that is happening this year, maybe in 2012.  If they do end up in Texas, I do want to visit them there.  We can take some time, stop in New Mexico then on to Texas.  Part of the long range plans.

So with my weight in a little better control and with some work on my relationship with my husband, 2011 should have a better ending than for 2010.  Next time I will continue with more of my family history.  I've been thinking about parts of my life that I want to put down, including my early relationship with Ernie, the family dynamic of coming from a big family and adjusting to being in a small family.  Till next time...